The Battle Continues

Some days I feel like I’m in a battle with myself. Should I eat the cookie? Should I ignore the cookie? Really I think, “Should I really have to battle with myself over a cookie?” But the fact is, I do. Change is difficult and my body is just as stubborn as my mind. My body says to my mind, “I want a cookie!” and my mind rationalizes, “So what’s one cookie? One cookie isn’t going to affect my whole life.” as my body rants on “I want a cookie!” Maybe it’s so hard because my body is so insistent and has only one thing to say. While my mind must work through all the pros and cons and make a decision when in reality, the decision has already been made. I made the decision to eat healthier.

Eating healthy can mean a lot of things depending on who you are and where you live, but we all know that if you have a weakness for cookies, you should probably avoid them. So, I’ve decided that, for the most part I need to avoid sugary foods. I have a weakness for them. We can’t give up food altogether, but we can recognize where we have the most problems and take steps toward avoiding those foods that tempt us the most.

The battle rages, but I’m charging forward knowing some things are worth the fight. My health is one of those things. My first weigh in since I started up again is Monday. Wish me luck!

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Make a Plan

My daughter asked me this week if I was proud of the progress I had made this week. Have I been doing what I set out to do? Well, I’d have to say I’m at about 50%. Did I eat breakfast everyday? Yep. Did I exercise 3 times this week? Nope.  Have I tried to look my best everyday this week?  Uh, everyday but one.  I even wore jewelry!  I NEVER wear jewelry.  And, as for updating my blog, you can read for yourself.  🙂

So, what will I do differently next week?  Here are my goals for next week:

  • drastically reduce the amount of sugar in my diet
  • plan meals for breakfast lunch and dinner
  • drink more water!

All of these goals go along with the goals I’ve already set, so I feel like they’re doable.  I just have to start paying attention to the details.  It’s taken me a long time to get to this point, but I have come to realize that everything–and I mean everything–needs a plan, right down to the way you organize your desk.  I thought I could just keep one leg hanging and kind of dance my way through life.   I guess there’s some of that too, but mostly life needs a plan.  Get it in your head now.  Don’t wait till you’re 50 to figure it out.  Make a plan and act on it.  One more time–Make a plan and ACT on it.  You can, I can, we all can make a plan.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

You know it’s time to reevaluate when your husband says, “Why are you eating that?  You know it’s not good for you.”  At least when my husband does because he has never gotten after me for what I eat.  I think he knows how serious I am about this and wants to help keep me on track. 

At the time I was eating a delicious fried pie that the local Menonites make and sell in our area.  This may seem like a small thing, but when you have a sugar addiction, one small mistake can take you back down the rabbit hole like Alice looking for just the right cookie to make you big again, small again, big again.  You get the idea.  It’s that yoyo diet cycle that keeps the weight loss companies in business and me in a constant turmoil of self love and self loathing–neither of which is good in too much measure.

Don’t get too upset at those who suggest you shouldn’t be eating something.  Most likely their motives are to help, not hurt.  Turn the negative into a positive for yourself and move forward.  Besides, he was right.  I didn’t have any business eating that.  I know my state of mind better than anyone and it very likely could’ve taken me back to square one.  So, Thanks Honey!  And, thanks to the next person who reminds me that I need to be more aware of what I put into my mouth.  Remember what Walt Disney said:  “All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them.”  So take courage my friends.  Pursue your dreams.  They’re out there waiting for you!

You’ve Got to be Kidding Me!

Me at a hefty 278 lbs

I got so mad at myself the other day.  I felt overloaded with sugar, bloated by salt and on top of that I looked in the mirror at my underwear clad body and thought, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  How in the world can a person lose 22 lbs and still look fat?  It was then I knew that I had to lose the next decade of poundage.  I’ve said goodbye to the 70’s.  I’ve said goodbye to the 60’s.  Now it’s time to say goodbye to the 50’s. 

I think sometimes you just have to get sick of yourself before you can move on.  Well, here I am sick of myself.  Granted, my clothes fit better and I do have more energy, but come on!  I’ve lost 22 lbs and I’m still the same size!  I’m sick of it! I want to go down a size for pete’s sake. 

You know what else I’m sick of?  I’m sick to death that it takes an act of congress to sit in a booth or a school chair!  I want to sit comfortably in one of those.  And I mean WITHOUT my stomach roll resting on top.  How about theater seats, airplane seats where the safety belt barely fastens, or in a lawn chair without worrying about breakage?  Being fat is just downright embarrassing.  Most of the time I’m pretty confident, but then I see a picture of myself and I think again, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  Enough of this rant.  When I look in the mirror in a few months and think, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”  I want it to mean something wholly different, and I want to be down at least one dress size.  Goodbye to the 50’s!

Me now 22 lbs lighter

 

Time for an Update

Thanks to my friend Kim for getting me motivated again, it’s time for an update. Sugar isn’t totally out of my diet anymore (I made chocolate chip cookies yesterday) but I am much more aware of what I eat and how much of it I eat. I feel better about myself, now 22 lbs lighter, and I’m never going back to those two decades of pounds I left behind.
The great thing about all of this is how much better my clothes fit. I haven’t gone down a size which tells me I was squeezing myself into these clothes that were really too small for me. Arghhh! Well, now they fit! You really do look so much better in clothes that fit. Of course losing 22 lbs doesn’t hurt my looks too much either. I don’t think other people are noticing yet, but I think I will have to go down a size before that happens. Sadly, I think that’s about 20 lbs away judging by the weight I’ve already lost. I don’t want to squeeze my way into the next size that’s for sure!
I’m beginning to take control of my life in other ways too. I’m making a notebook for change with sections on home, spirituality, self, school and money. It makes me feel good to be moving toward something instead of growing stagnant. I’m thinking if I keep my focus on change, my focus will decrease on food. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy good food and love to cook (see my other blog if you have doubts http://kitchenchicks.wordpress.com) but food shouldn’t be my whole focus which is what I think it has been in the past.
To any of you still out there reading my wanderings, thank you. I’m still here.

Girl Scout Cookies and Other Such Normalities

Yesterday I ate a girl scout cookie.  It was my favorite–Do-si-dos.  They’re all peanut butter crunchy cookie with peanut butter filling.  I love peanut butter and had decided that I was going to enjoy one even though I’m now sugar free.  Fact is, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I used to.  The sugar kind of burned my tongue, an unexpected sensation, and sort of took the enjoyment out of the peanut butter.  The good thing about it was that it made me all the more certain that I am on the right path for myself. 

Now if I could just get organized, I’d be next to perfect.  🙂

Beautiful Days Ahead

Last week I lost 3 lbs.  My husband lost 2.5.  I won for this week, but I’m sure it will be short lived.  No matter what happens, more beautiful days are ahead for both of us.  My husband is trying to get his diabetes under control and I’d like to just look better and feel better.  For those of you following my sugarless journey, I’m still sugarless and loving it.  I no longer crave or wish to eat sugar and now I’m saying goodbye to another decade of weight.  I still don’t look thin by any means, but my clothes fit better and I feel better.  With summer coming on, there are more beautiful days ahead, and I’m including my own beautiful self in those days.  Still not quite time for a before and after, but not as far away from it as I once was.  When I lose another 10 lbs, I’ll post a before and after  shot so you can see my progress.  Even so, I’ll still have a long way to go, but it’s good to document the journey.  I can’t believe I’ve come this far!