The Roller Coaster Dieter

You’ve heard of the yo yo dieter.  My life is so up and down that I’m more like a roller coaster dieter. I go through spurts where I feel great and I don’t even like to eat sugary, syrupy things.  Guess what?  I lose weight.  Down the roller coaster I go speeding fast and enjoying the ride, then when a difficult situation arises, that hill that seems insurmountable, my momentum keeps me going a little ways up but then slowly, trudgingly, I get stuck on the hill and slide back down to where I started (maybe that’s where the term backsliding comes from).  What I have to remember in those times is that if I let myself slide too much, I’ll get stuck in that little space between the ride down and the climb up and that’s where it gets really hard to go anywhere.

So, I’ve been thinking.  On a roller coaster, the ride up has a little help behind it.  It has that little clacker thing that attaches to the car and helps it click its way up to the top of the hill again.  I need to find my little clacker in those times.  I think it could be a lot of things, but what is the one thing that could help me get to the top again so that I can enjoy another ride down?

  • encouragement from a friend
  • reading about what others have done (inspiration)
  • taking a break and doing something I enjoy
  • picturing myself as I want to be and focusing on that  http://www.myvirtualmodel.com/en/shopping/weightloss.php
  • get off the scale for awhile and just focus on life
  • find a solution to a problem I am facing

At different times in my life, it could be any one of these things, but more important, what I require is a change of focus, a little spark to ignite that memory of all that I can be and want to be, because in the end, it has to be for me, because I want to do this, because I need to take control of my life and be in charge of who I am.  I’ve maintained the weightloss I’ve had, but it’s time to trudge up that hill and get another exciting ride downward.  Come on!  Let’s Go!

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A Bump in the Road and a Broken Wagon

Well, this bump in the road–let’s just call it my lack of commitment–caused me to not only fall off the wagon, but broke the wagon into pieces.  Maybe a wagon wasn’t the best choice in the first place.  The walk would’ve done me good.  I would’ve burned some calories and maybe lifted my spirit along the way too.  I think sometimes I spend way too much time soothing myself with things, that if I would just take time to reason through, I wouldn’t eat in the first place.  Like, for instance that lovely gas station muffin where I read on the label lately that one serving was 1/3 muffin.  Yes, that’s right, 1/3 muffin.  Seriously?  Who in the world eats 1/3 muffin?  I’d eat the whole doggone thing.  Oh, by the way, that 1/3 muffin serving is 230 calories.  That means the whole muffin is a whopping 690 calories.  You’ve got to be kidding me.  See how reason gets in the way of indulging yourself?  Needless to say I won’t be eating one of those again.

My other eye-opener was a Quiznos sandwich.  I love Quiznos and probably could eat one everyday for lunch if incentive was provided.  Until–yes, reason set in.  I decided to look up the nutritional quality of the sandwich.  At first I was pleasantly surprised, but then–dun dun dun–the sandwich was a whopping 1200 calories.  Again I say, “Seriously?”  Needless to say, I won’t be eating Quiznos any more.  Oh, I want to.  I just can’t.

This week I plan to rely on my reason instead of my self-indulgence.  I’m getting off the cart, picking myself up, dusting myself off, putting on my cross-trainers, and reasoning myself right into walking instead of riding my way to a better me.  I can do this.  I just have to be reasonable.  🙂

A Rebel in Disguise

I’ve been thinking a lot about lifestyle lately.  I’ve decided I’m a rebel.  Not in the goth, wear black lipstick, pierce yourself kind of rebel, but a rebel none the less.  I don’t know what in the world made me think eating anything I want was freedom.  Is it really freedom to eat whatever you want?  For me, I’d have to say it was more like bondage.  Eating whatever I want wasn’t really freedom at all.  Eating whatever I wanted kept me fat, less able to move the way I wanted, let people make judgements about me–true or not–and hurt my self esteem.  So I ask you, was that really freedom?  I realize now I was just rebelling against the rules. 

Rule #1:  Take care of your body.  Taking care of your body doesn’t mean giving it whatever it wants.  When you give a child whatever it wants it becomes unruly and spoiled.  I’ve found my body has the same reaction.  For many years, my body has been unruly and spoiled.  I don’t think it ever made me happy to be in this condition, it was just easier.  And, I certainly wasn’t free. 

Rule #2:  Listen to your doctor.  My doctor has told me for years that I needed to lose weight, but since I am basically a healthy person, I ignored what he said.  Oh yes, I gave lip service, took meds, exercised for awhile, lost a few pounds, but I wasn’t really dedicated to making the commitment to follow rule #1.  After all I wanted my freedom.  But as the old adage goes, “Freedom isn’t free.”

Rule #3 Respect yourself:  This may be the most important rule of all.  Respecting yourself isn’t just being confident–I am.  It isn’t just doing what you please whenever you please–I did.  It’s understanding that what you do with your life is more than doing whatever you want whenever you want.  Respecting yourself means making a difference in your own life and in the lives of others.  I felt like I had the others part down.  I cared about others, prayed for those who needed it, and tried to be a good person, but when you leave out the part of respecting yourself, something just doesn’t ring true with the rest of it.

So, I’m facing the fact today that I’m a rebel.  I guess that can work to my advantage at times, but when it comes to my health, I realize it really wasn’t freedom at all.  It was rebellion.  I’m done with rebellion.  It doesn’t treat me nice.  From here on out, I’m following the rules:  Take care of your body, Listen  to your doctor, and Respect yourself.  Hey, I may as well give it try.  What’ve I got to lose?  Except maybe a few or a lot of pounds and inches.  🙂

You’ve Got to be Kidding Me!

Me at a hefty 278 lbs

I got so mad at myself the other day.  I felt overloaded with sugar, bloated by salt and on top of that I looked in the mirror at my underwear clad body and thought, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  How in the world can a person lose 22 lbs and still look fat?  It was then I knew that I had to lose the next decade of poundage.  I’ve said goodbye to the 70’s.  I’ve said goodbye to the 60’s.  Now it’s time to say goodbye to the 50’s. 

I think sometimes you just have to get sick of yourself before you can move on.  Well, here I am sick of myself.  Granted, my clothes fit better and I do have more energy, but come on!  I’ve lost 22 lbs and I’m still the same size!  I’m sick of it! I want to go down a size for pete’s sake. 

You know what else I’m sick of?  I’m sick to death that it takes an act of congress to sit in a booth or a school chair!  I want to sit comfortably in one of those.  And I mean WITHOUT my stomach roll resting on top.  How about theater seats, airplane seats where the safety belt barely fastens, or in a lawn chair without worrying about breakage?  Being fat is just downright embarrassing.  Most of the time I’m pretty confident, but then I see a picture of myself and I think again, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  Enough of this rant.  When I look in the mirror in a few months and think, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”  I want it to mean something wholly different, and I want to be down at least one dress size.  Goodbye to the 50’s!

Me now 22 lbs lighter

 

Time for an Update

Thanks to my friend Kim for getting me motivated again, it’s time for an update. Sugar isn’t totally out of my diet anymore (I made chocolate chip cookies yesterday) but I am much more aware of what I eat and how much of it I eat. I feel better about myself, now 22 lbs lighter, and I’m never going back to those two decades of pounds I left behind.
The great thing about all of this is how much better my clothes fit. I haven’t gone down a size which tells me I was squeezing myself into these clothes that were really too small for me. Arghhh! Well, now they fit! You really do look so much better in clothes that fit. Of course losing 22 lbs doesn’t hurt my looks too much either. I don’t think other people are noticing yet, but I think I will have to go down a size before that happens. Sadly, I think that’s about 20 lbs away judging by the weight I’ve already lost. I don’t want to squeeze my way into the next size that’s for sure!
I’m beginning to take control of my life in other ways too. I’m making a notebook for change with sections on home, spirituality, self, school and money. It makes me feel good to be moving toward something instead of growing stagnant. I’m thinking if I keep my focus on change, my focus will decrease on food. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy good food and love to cook (see my other blog if you have doubts http://kitchenchicks.wordpress.com) but food shouldn’t be my whole focus which is what I think it has been in the past.
To any of you still out there reading my wanderings, thank you. I’m still here.

Girl Scout Cookies and Other Such Normalities

Yesterday I ate a girl scout cookie.  It was my favorite–Do-si-dos.  They’re all peanut butter crunchy cookie with peanut butter filling.  I love peanut butter and had decided that I was going to enjoy one even though I’m now sugar free.  Fact is, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I used to.  The sugar kind of burned my tongue, an unexpected sensation, and sort of took the enjoyment out of the peanut butter.  The good thing about it was that it made me all the more certain that I am on the right path for myself. 

Now if I could just get organized, I’d be next to perfect.  🙂

Weight Loss

As you know, I had been getting very discouraged because I wasn’t losing anymore weight.  Well that has changed!  I’ve lost 14 lbs altogether now just by giving up sugar.  As I mentioned earlier, it has also taken away the desire to eat fast food, so that may be another added bonus to losing weight.

It’s kind of funny.  People are starting to notice my weight loss although they don’t really realize that that’s what they’re noticing.  They say things like, “I really like that shirt on you.”  or  “That color is very becoming.”  What they are really saying to me without saying it is, “I can see that you’ve lost weight.”  They don’t know this because I’m still very fat and they see me everyday.  What I’m looking forward to is coming back to work after summer is over and seeing their faces when they do notice!  Like I said, I’m making this change a permanent one in my life.  You can do this!  No fad diets, no rigorous exercise, just give up the sugar.  My daughter believed in me and I believe in you.