Off the wagon

Ok, ok, I fell off the wagon. I should never have made that “Not Yo Momma’s Banana Pudding”. It sent my head reeling! I said I made it for the family, but I think I ate half of it myself. The next day wasn’t much better. I had some gummy worms, a small cupcake, some oreos. Do you see how this works? Like any addiction, once you give in, you spiral down the rabbit hole again. I’ve been spending the past two days clawing my way back to the surface.

It makes me so upset because I was beginning to lose weight again. I had lost 17 lbs and you know how you can feel yourself moving off that plateau? Well, I was ready to dive off the edge. Arghhh! Why do I do this to myself. I think sometimes my weight is a protection. I can blame it for almost anything and then I don’t have to be responsible. It keeps people at a distance so that I don’t have to interact as much and I can feel content in my own ideas and thoughts. It’s really pretty selfish when you think about it. It’s not considering the feelings of others. It’s pulling yourself totally inward and keeping yourself separate. In some ways I suppose this creates an air of superiority–I know who I am and they don’t. But, I think it’s an even greater source of frustration. Let’s face it. People DO care what you look like. They care if your teeth are brushed. They care if you wear deoderant. They care if you have your hair styled nicely. People care even if you don’t.

I plan to spend the summer trying to get my physical life back into control. I think I’ve got this sugar thing licked, but that’s only a small part of what I need to work on. Hey, I tackled sugar and won. Here’s to my next conquest! More info to follow. 🙂